[Caution: satire ahead. Or is it satire?]
The preznit insists on his useless, multi-billion-dollar border wall that Mexico will not pay to build because you and I would, instead. Democrats are fighting his demand but congressional Republicans aren't lifting a finger. Worse, the preznit is willing to let government be shut down for years if need be; either that or declare a non-emergency "national emergency" in order to get his way.
So the political forces of reason might lose this battle. Let's say for a moment there's a compromise (although trumpublicans think "compromise" is a synonym for "capitulation") or that Democrats deliberately cave lest the country, the economy, and the government fall into serious disorder. What then might progressives salvage from this debacle?
Only half my tongue is in cheek when I suggest we quietly influence the preznit to add a special feature to his wall. We'd begin a whispering campaign with the goal of getting His Rump Roast to agree that after so much hard work, he deserves special credit. Everyone especially voters should know this was his very, very important and singular achievement -- all by himself!
And let it be known that the best way Trump can make them aware of his greatness is to order that his likeness be painted on the U.S. side of the 2,200-mile-long wall -- say every quarter mile or so. Head shots of him smiling, snarling, grinning widely and in profile. Looking preznitial, heroic, and/or fake handsome. Wouldn't that be special? You betcha, if you're the 'rump.
Much better than carving his likeness out of a mountain side. These likenesses will go up quickly and be seen by millions of people annually crossing the US-Mexican border — legally, of course.
Make sure to tell the Trumpenator that the work will be done in super-bond, permanent paint, so his greatness will be seen and remembered for a thousand years. Oh, yeah, baby. And to hurry along the work and save money, the Army Corps of Engineers would hire temporary immigrant laborers from south of the border! It's perfect!
We could further persuade the preener-in-chief to add a bold, bold, very great, very large sign, neon perhaps, atop the wall every few miles: For example: "THE DONALD J. TRUMP MEMORIAL WALL AND BARRIER," "A NATIONAL HISTORIC STRUCTURE BROUGHT TO YOU BY TRUMP TOURS," "TRUMP TOWER SOUTH," and, of course, "THIS WAY TO THE EGRESS."
Underneath those 30-foot images of his baggy eyes and aerojel comb-over, he could order the additional inclusion of a series of legends. For example: "Big Brother is Watching You!" and "NO COLLUSION." Also, of course, "Lock her up!" and maybe "Abandon hope, all ye who enter!" Along with: "GOLF BEAUTIFUL MAR-A-LAGO" and "Rio Grande Valley riverfront development opportunities by Trump International."
Individual-1 would eat these suggestions right up. Of course he wouldn't realize how silly all this would make him look, because when it comes to megalomania and narcissism, this guy has a blind spot that could swallow the Milky Way galaxy's central black hole.
After it's all done and the dedication ceremonies lasting two years are complete, a volunteer contingent of midnight minions could then complete the work, showing up with cans of permanent red paint and long-armed roller brushes, drawing monocles and goofball mustaches and eye patches and rotten teeth over the likenesses of his Pompousness.
Oh, it would be a grand, grand wall indeed.
Bonus! We could help save tax dollars by turning it into a recreational site. Rock-climbing and sanctioned disfigurement, all for one low price. Let's be sure to invite German citizens from the former city of East Berlin.
Ladies and gentlemen: I give you the Trump[tm] Graffiti and Wailing Wall. Please line up in an orderly fashion. Paints and safety goggles available at the tables ahead. Five dollars gets you ten minutes' use of a US government extension ladder and one spray can. All proceeds to charities working to rectify the former preznit's horrendous damage to our republic. Please be disrespectful and spray "MF" if you like.
But after the 'rump is disgraced and removed from public office is when we make our final move. It will be our "Mr. Congressman, tear down this wall!" campaign. Point out all the ugly and disgusting graffiti on that big, ugly barrier to good international relations and which has been a national embarrassment Urge Congress to declare the wall an obsolete eyesore, and order its dismantling. And then throw a 2,200-mile long tailgate party.